Resources

Keeping safe from tech-based coercive control

Everyone deserves to use technology safely and free from harm. Protecting yourself isn’t just about defending against harm — it’s about claiming your right to privacy, dignity, and control over your own life.

Download this calendar for monthly tips on how to protect yourself from tech-based coercive control.

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• Tips for setting healthy tech boundaries with your partner

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  Access to and use of technology in relationships isn’t always neutral—it can be shaped by gender roles and social norms. In many households, it’s still common for men to take the lead in setting up and managing tech devices, such as home Wi-Fi, smart devices, apps, and online accounts. While this may seem harmless or simply practical, it can unintentionally create an imbalance in power.

  When one partner controls most or all aspects of technology in the home, the other partner may be left without access, knowledge, or control over the tools they rely on daily. This dynamic can become a gateway for tech-based coercive control, where technology is used to monitor, restrict, or manipulate someone’s actions or communications.

  That’s why it’s so important to promote shared access, digital literacy, and open conversations about tech use in relationships. Both partners should feel empowered and informed when it comes to the technology they use. Recognising and challenging gendered assumptions around tech use is a key step toward more equitable, respectful, and safe relationships.

  You and your partner might choose to use tracking apps as a safety measure—for example, when traveling alone at night or camping in remote areas. In these situations, technology can offer peace of mind and provide support in case of an emergency.

  However, you may feel uncomfortable if your partner uses the same tracking app to monitor your location for other reasons. It’s important to set boundaries and ensure that any use of tracking technology is based on mutual trust and consent.

  Consent between partners must be specific, voluntary, and can be withdrawn at any time. This ensures that consent is clear and can be changed if either person no longer agrees. The same principle applies to how you both choose to use technology in your relationship.

  Having a conversation with your partner can help you agree on the specific ways that tech can and cannot be used within your relationship.

• Tips for setting healthy family tech boundaries after a separation

  When families go through separation or divorce, it’s important to create healthy tech habits early to protect children’s wellbeing. Children may be more vulnerable to the emotional impacts of parental conflict, especially if communication breaks down or spills into digital spaces. To prevent this, parents can set clear boundaries around children’s access to devices and model respectful online behaviour.

  • Set Clear Screen Time Boundaries: Agreement on how much screen time is appropriate for your children can help maintain balance. Consider age-appropriate limits and be consistent across both households.
  • Promote Open Communication: Encourage your children to talk openly about their online experiences. Make sure they feel comfortable sharing any concerns or issues they may encounter on the internet.
  • Monitor Content: Use parental controls and monitor the content your children access to ensure it’s age-appropriate. Discuss the importance of internet safety, including recognising and avoiding harmful content.
  • Create Tech-Free Zones: Designate areas in the home (such as the dining table or bedrooms) as tech-free zones to promote family bonding and ensure a healthy balance of offline activities.
  • Be a Positive Tech Role Model: Set an example by using technology responsibly. Show your children how to balance screen time with other activities, like reading, outdoor play, or family time.
  • Avoid Using Your Child’s Devices to Track or Monitor Your Co-Parent: Respecting your child’s privacy and making sure their devices are used solely for their own purposes can help them feel safe, supported, and shielded from adult conflict.
  • Set Boundaries for Co-Parenting Communication: Use parenting apps or separate communication channels to manage co-parenting tasks without involving the children in adult conflicts. This helps reduce stress and confusion for children.
  • Respect Privacy: While it’s important to monitor your children’s online behaviour, also respect their privacy. As they get older, allow them more autonomy and trust them to make responsible choices.
  • Encourage Offline Activities: Balance screen time with creative, educational, and physical activities like reading, sports, or arts and crafts. This helps children develop a healthy relationship with both online and offline worlds.
  • Check In Regularly: Have regular check-ins with your children about their digital lives—what apps they use, who they interact with online, and how they feel about their tech experiences. This promotes trust and ensures they’re feeling supported.
  • Collaborate with Your Co-Parent: If possible, work with your co-parent to ensure consistency in tech rules and expectations across both households. This helps your children feel more secure and understand boundaries.

• Recognising tech-based coercive control

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  It’s important to be aware of the behaviours and signs that could indicate tech-based coercive control in order to prevent it.

  Coercive control can take many forms, and technology is often used to monitor, manipulate, or limit a person’s freedom.

  By identifying warning signs early, individuals can take steps to protect themselves and their loved ones.

  Tech-based coercive control may look like…

  • Constant Monitoring of Location or Activities: The partner frequently uses tracking apps or other methods to monitor your whereabouts, online activities, or social media usage without your consent.
  • Demanding Access to Devices or Accounts: They insist on having access to your phone, computer, email, or social media accounts, often under the guise of “trust” or “transparency,” and monitor your messages, calls, or online interactions.
  • Controlling Communication: They use technology to control how and when you communicate with others, such as limiting your ability to contact family or friends, or demanding to know every detail of your conversations.
  • Threatening to Expose Personal Information: They threaten to share private or embarrassing information (photos, texts, etc.) unless you comply with their demands.
  • Use of Spyware or Monitoring Software: The partner secretly installs apps, spyware, or monitoring software on your devices to track your activities without your knowledge or consent.
  • Manipulating or Altering Your Online Presence: They may alter your social media profiles, passwords, or online accounts without permission to control your image, prevent you from accessing your accounts, or even create fake content in your name.
  • Cyberbullying or Harassment: They use digital platforms to send threatening messages, spread rumors, or engage in harassment or emotional manipulation to intimidate or control you.
  • Isolation via Technology: They use tech to isolate you from support systems—restricting communication with loved ones or sabotaging relationships by controlling who you interact with online.
  • Monitoring Finances and Transactions: If you share financial accounts, they may track your spending, monitor purchases, or even block you from accessing your own money.
  • Pressure to Conform to Their Digital Preferences: They demand that you change your passwords, privacy settings, or digital habits to meet their expectations, making you feel obligated to comply.

• Tips for keeping yourself safe online

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  • Set and Maintain Boundaries: Be clear about your personal boundaries when it comes to technology use. Consent should always be at the heart of any monitoring or sharing.
  • Keep Devices Secure: Use strong passwords, two-factor authentication, and avoid sharing login details with anyone. Regularly update your devices and software to protect against spyware.
  • Be Aware of Changes: Pay attention if your partner starts acting overly possessive about your technology use or pressures you to share access to your devices.
  • Seek Support: If you notice any of these signs, reach out to trusted friends, family, or professionals for advice and support.
  • Know Your Rights: Familiarise yourself with laws regarding privacy and digital harassment in your region, so you can protect yourself if necessary.

Keeping Communities Safe